Squirrel Philosophy - A Comparison of Squirrel Philosophical Theories in
the Late 20th Century
- Capitalist Squirrels - He who dies with the most nuts, wins.
- Hari Krishna Squirrels - He who plays with the most nuts, wins.
- Catholic Squirrels - He who denies himself the most nuts, wins.
- Anglican Squirrels - They were our nuts first.
- Greek Orthodox Squirrels - No, they were OURS first.
- Atheist Squirrels - There is no nut maker.
- Polytheist Squirrels - There are many nut makers.
- Church of Christ Scientist Squirrels - We are the nuts.
- Communist Squirrels - Everyone gets the same number of nuts.
- Bahai Squirrels - All nuts are just fine with us.
- Taoist Squirrels - The pecan is as important as the almond.
- Mormon Squirrels - Every boy squirrel can have as many nuts as he wants.
- 7th day Adventist Squirrels - He who plays with his nuts on Sabbath, loses.
- Southern Baptist Squirrels - If your nut is a Disney product, you have a one-way ticket to hell.
- Jehovah's Witness Squirrels - He who sells the most nuts door-to-door, wins.
- Pentecostal Squirrels - He whose nuts can talk, wins.
- Existential Squirrels - Nuts are a figment of your imagination.
- Confucian Squirrels - Once a nut is dipped in water, it is no longer dry.
- Non-denominationalism Squirrels - We don't care where the nuts
came from, let's just play with them.
- Agnostic Squirrels - It is not possible to know whether nuts make a bit of difference.
- Unitarian Universalist Squirrels - We still haven't decided if the nuts exist.
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